my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
