and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
