Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
