You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
is wine microwaveable?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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