I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
