I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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