i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
