I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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