I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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