Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
