is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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