kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
