I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
