And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
