Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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