The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize