I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
