There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
