you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
