Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
