Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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