is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
