at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
