I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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