if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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