God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
