I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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