I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
