I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
