He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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