how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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