I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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