I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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