We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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