Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
smell my finger.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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