He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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