what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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