My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
