loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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