Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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