dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I deserve this hangover.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
