No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
