So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I cut my penus on the lid.
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Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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