he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
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about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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