Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
