i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
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woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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