and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
