whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
