I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
