Christians are straight up FREAKS
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
