Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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