You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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