i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
