She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
