Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
