You're so nebulous sometimes
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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