spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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