My liver just broke up with me...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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