I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
