apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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