Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
