i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Randomize
