i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
