Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
