i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize