I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
